If Size Doesn't Matter, Why Are Dildos So Big?

Posted by Anna Bergeron on

This is one of the most common questions which we receive from our customers here at Lovegasm.

In fact, we're pretty sure that this question has showed up more often than any other inquiry since we launched the site - which is why we've decided to give it its very own article!

Just why is this question so important to answer, anyway?

Well, at Lovegasm, we believe that sex should be something positive.

Sex is an intimate, pleasurable bonding experience between two or more people, and it should leave its participants feeling happy and satisfied - not anxious and doubting themselves. But, unfortunately, the mind is a complex thing, and people are prone to doubt.

So many, many men and other penis-possessing individuals have come to us admitting that sex has got them feeling low, sad and anxious - and that they have identified the reason for these negative feelings as the size of the new toy which their partner has started bringing along to bed.

The goal of this article is not only to establish the answer to the question "why are dildos often so big," but also to point out that the size of a dildo which a person might enjoy does not necessarily correlate to them only enjoying penises of a similar size.

We hope that this helpful guide will leave our readers feeling more confident in bed, as well as helping them understand that there is room in their sex life - IF they and their partner approve, of course - for both dicks and dildos of all sizes!

First things first, it's important to understand one key fact: there is no one single reason for the prevalence of larger dildos.

Rather than one large, unifying reason, there are a number of smaller factors which together contributed to the current trend.

First, we'll take a brief look at some of these reasons in order to more clearly define what they did to make "why are dildos so big" consistently skyrocket to the top of our Frequently Asked Questions list.

They Aren't All Like That - But The Big Ones Get Attention

Part of the reason why it might seem like we're suddenly surrounded by enormous dildos can be explained with a single word: advertising.

The existence of big dildos isn't anything new - in fact, some of the earliest sex toys which have been dug up by archaeologists were pretty darn massive, even by today's standards.

However, what we do have that prehistoric kinksters don't are giant Internet banner ads, pop-ups, and even television commercials.

In the olden days, you might listen to your friend gossip about the truly mammoth new dong that she had just had custom-made for herself while her husband was off fighting in the latest war - but today, you instead get your computer screen plastered with repeated images reminding you that women (and men!) all around the world are thrusting foot-long cocks deep within their body's most sensitive places.

Most manufacturers of sex toys tend to center their advertising efforts around the most extreme, intense and eye-catching products which they offer. (And yes, we admit it, us Lovegasm staffers have been totally guilty of this a time or two…)

In a world where customers and consumers are bombarded by a near-constant stream of colorful advertising images, especially online, it's those items which have some way of standing apart from the ordinary which are most likely to catch their coveted attention.

The biggest dildos, the thickest plugs, the tightest collars and the most vicious whips are going to make people sit up and take notice a lot more easily than simpler or more average-sized toys.

After all, which ad are you more likely to click on - "Average Sized Five-Inch Dildo In Realistic Flesh Color" or "Foot-Long Bright Purple Monster Cock With Glitter, Vibrating Capacity and Enormous Balls?"

Yeah, sure, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but it comes down to the basic fundamentals of advertising - average gets ignored, while creative, wild and crazy gets noticed.

So just because a company focuses on their big dildos when premiering their new advertising campaign, doesn't mean that the smaller, thinner dildos aren't there as well.

It also doesn't mean that those huge dildos are what every customer wants to buy, either. Plenty of ladies and gentlemen out there would much prefer something on the more average side of things.

The focus on "bigger and better" is, at its core, nothing more than an advertising decision designed to make money and catch the eye of increasingly more distracted and overloaded customers.

Following In Big Footsteps - Or Is That "Cocksteps"?

While advertising strategies certainly play a large role, we absolutely cannot ignore or minimize the influence of porn. If the sex toy industry is America, then the porn industry would be something like a mix of the president, a fashion magazine and the Kardashian family.

What do we mean by this?

Simply put, so much of what people want - and, therefore, so much of what is produced and advertised by sex toy companies - is inspired by and directly a result of whatever trends are currently popular in porn.

And there's no trend that has been more omnipresent throughout the entire history of the pornography industry than its penchant for putting big dicks on display.

Some fashions may change - hairy pussies might be in style one year, only to be replaced by fully shaved the next, and nipple and genital piercings are constantly rocketing from "in" to "out" with a speed near impossible to keep up with - but men who are hung like horses will always have a career in porn available for them, pretty much no matter what else.

Of course, the porn industry's obsession with the monster cock does make a fair amount of sense if you take a closer look at it. Once again, it comes at least partly back to advertising.

Bigger dicks make it easy to come up with arresting titles - "Tight Virgin Pussy Pounded By Foot-Long Love Rod," after all, is the sort of thing which is pretty much guaranteed to catch your eye as you lazily scroll through your favorite porn site searching for something to get off to.

But, of course, there are also logistical reasons for the prevalence of the long and girthy penis - larger objects are easier to capture on camera, after all! Doesn't a sexy scene become that much more yummy if the star actor's dick can practically fill the entire screen without even the need for a close-up?

So consumers watch porn where big-dicked actors pound the pussies or wreck the assholes of their co-stars and, as one typically does while watching porn, fantasize about feeling those same cocks thrusting in and out of their own holes.

They hear the (admittedly sometimes over-acted) screams and moans of pleasure as these King Kongs of dongs send the men and women taking the "bottom" role into the throes of ecstasy, and they dream about feeling that same pleasure, reaching that same bliss, having those same toe-curling, muscle-clenching orgasms that leave their entire body feeling like a bowl of extremely satisfied jelly.

And so what do these viewers end up doing, of course? Why, none other than logging on to their favorite sex toy site (like, well…let's just say "Lovegasm" as an example, shall we) and purchasing the largest dildo that they can find so that they can do a little solo recreation of those scenes in the comfort of their own bedroom.

Some of these large-cocked male porn stars even get popular enough that their fans start clamoring for something even closer to the real experience, leading to dildo models being cast in the exact shape and size of their actual penises.

And, obviously, since they're based on real world porn stars, these dildos also tend to be, well…a bit on the larger side of things.

We're not saying that porn is one hundred percent responsible for the prevalence of big dildos - it's only one item among several on this list, after all - but its influence throughout the years, and continuing into the modern day, should definitely not be denied.

The Issue of Insertable Length

Another thing which is important to keep in mind is that there is a slight difference between how a penis is measured and how a dildo is measured.

Yes, despite the two being extremely similar in both shape and function, a penis has only one length which is important to know, while a dildo has two.

Well, to put it simply, what we are talking about here is the difference between "actual length" and "insertable length". When it comes to a flesh and blood penis, its entire length, from the tip to the base, is considered insertable length.

You can put a ruler up against a man's cock, nestling it right against the pubic bone, and every single delectable inch of the resulting measurement can be thrust inside a vagina or asshole.

Men can "hilt" themselves in their lover, pleasuring them with every sensual inch that they have to give. A cock's "actual length" (the measurement taken with a ruler) is exactly equal to its "insertable length" (the amount of the penis's length which can successfully be put inside a lover).

But when it comes to dildos, that simply isn't the case. A penis's actual length is equal to its insertable length for one simple reason: it is attached to a human body.

You or your partner will pretty much always be able to remove your penis easily once penetration has been finished and orgasm has been reached.

The risk of getting a penis stuck inside you or your lover is practically zero. But with dildos - well, if the proper design precautions are not taken, that risk is in fact very real and present, and has, in the past, resulted in a number of people being hospitalized as a result of a sinful encounter with their favorite toy gone wrong.

In order to prevent the strong muscles of the vagina or especially the anal sphincter from simply gripping onto a dildo, clenching down, refusing to let go and possibly even sucking the dildo inside itself, all dildos need to have some sort of preventative measure worked into the design of their base.

Common examples of this include a wide, flared base which can easily be gripped with your fingers, a suction cup which can be attached to floors or walls, or a pair of molded testicles meant to make the dildo as realistic as possible while also keeping it from getting stuck.

It is even possible to find dildos with hooks, rings or cords attached to the base which can be firmly held onto throughout penetration sessions.

Therefore, the insertable length of a dildo consists only of the part which can actually go inside the user - and does NOT include the length of the flared base, suction cup, molded balls or other parts such as that.

It is not uncommon to find, for example, a 9 inch dildo with only 6 inches of actual insertable length, because the remaining 3 inches are entirely taken up by the base area, or by the balls, or perhaps even by a battery pack which allows the dildo to vibrate while inside the user.

Anal dildos, which also need to take the (usually several inch) height of the ass cheeks into consideration, will often feature an even larger gap between insertable length and actual length - the "insertable" length of a dildo might in fact be up to five or six inches shorter than its "actual"!

This results in a number of dildos being sold which, on first glance, look as though they are many times the size of the average human penis, but in fact only possess a very average insertable length because the base simply takes up so much space.

Unfortunately, this has had the effect of causing many people, especially men, to feel bad because dildos on the surface appear to be so much longer than even the biggest flesh and blood penises.

However, this excessive size has less to do with pleasure and more to do with the necessity of creating a safeguard against dildos becoming stuck inside the assholes or vaginas of their users.

It could even be said with a fair amount of accuracy that the seeming length of most "monster" dildos is in fact little more than an illusion.

So, the next time you or your partner are looking to purchase an extra large dildo, don't forget to keep both measurements in mind.

Make sure that the "insertable length" is clearly stated - and, if it is not, don't be afraid to ask the manufacturer or seller for clarification.

After all, when you want to pound your ass or pussy with a 12-inch dildo, you don't want to end up with something that's really more along the lines of 6 inches or even shorter, do you?

Because Size Is All They Have

Sure, we won't deny that we've spent a big chunk of this article so far talking about men's penises. After all, dildos are modeled after the penis, so you can't really discuss dildos without bringing up their original inspiration practically in the same breath.

However, that is exactly what takes us to our next answer to the question "why are dildos so big" - because men are so much more than the size of their penis while dildos, frankly, are not.

Think about all the things which a man can do to his lover. Using his penis to penetrate their ass, mouth or vagina is only one of so many things - too many to list in a single article. But let's give a few examples.

He has hands which can stroke and grab and spank and hold, pull hair or dig nails in depending on what his lover prefers. He has a voice which can moan, whine, scream, shout or simply talk dirty about all the things he loves to do and have done to him in the bedroom.

He has a tongue which can lick his partner in all their sensitive spots - and, of course, it can also be used to perform oral sex.

And, perhaps most importantly of all, he has a brain - he is a thinking, feeling conscious being who can listen to his partner, observe his partner, understand what makes them feel good and incorporate it into their lovemaking sessions.

Does a dildo have hands, or a tongue, or a voice, or a brain? Can a dildo do any of those things? Well, simply put…no, it cannot.

Others have a curved shape so as to rub more directly against a woman's G-spot or a man's prostate. Others have small protrusions, often called "rabbit ears," which can be used to tickle the clitoris.

But, in our humble opinion, none of these things can ever come even close to equaling the things that a real-life partner, with a mind of their own, can do to you in bed.

So, many dildo manufacturers focus on size because it is one of the few things a dildo can do, one of the few advantages which it is potentially capable of having over a flesh and blood lover.

Dildos are made so big so that they can be advertised as a unique, separate experience distinct from a penis-in-vagina (or penis-in-ass) session with your current partner or fling.

They wish to create two different experiences so that you will crave both of them, desire both of them in your life, and not need to forgo purchasing or using dildos and other sex toys simply because you've started dating again, or you've found the love of your life, or you just got married, or any other reason.

What exactly are we saying here? What conclusion are we bringing this section to?

Well, we want to reassure you of one very important message: it is absolutely okay if you or your partner are the kind of person who prefers larger dildos, even if the dildos in question are larger than you or your partner's actual equipment.

That's because they are, at the heart of it, two completely different things!

Think of it as being like dessert. Sometimes you're in the mood for ice cream, other times you have a craving for cake, and still other times you feel like combining the two and having a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top of your favorite rich chocolate cake.

It's the same thing with dildos and partners. Sometimes, you want a slow and teasing lovemaking session with your current significant other, in which they bring the full power of their tongue, fingers, voice and genitals to bear to bring you to an intense, body-shaking orgasm.

Other times, you want something quick and fast, with an enormous dildo shoved up your vagina or ass and getting you off from the glorious feeling of being stretched to your limit and beyond.

And on a few special occasions, you even like combining the two, and having your partner's hands, rather than your own, be the ones thrusting the dildo in and out of your tight holes as they bring you to the peak of release at their own pace.

And it's okay to like, and want, and have, all three of these things be important parts of your sex life!

There's nothing wrong, we give you our full permission - and approval. It's totally okay to love both dildo and dick!

Many More Reasons

This article only barely brushes the surface of reasons behind the disparity between cock size and dildo size. There are many other motives which we did not have the time or space to cover in detail here on our site.

For example, rubber, silicone or elastomer "jelly" dildos are made larger because their materials are more yielding, and they are not capable of maintaining the same level of firmness or hardness as glass dildos, stainless steel dildos, or even real penises.

Alternately, some extra-large dildos are made that way because they are primarily designed to be used for non-penetrative purposes - as a showpiece at an exhibition, the centerpiece at a cock-themed bachelorette party, or a gag gift as part of a "white elephant" exchange.

However, whatever the reason - or reasons - the truth is clear: Big dildos are here and they're here to stay, BUT that doesn't mean that every sex toy fan out there wants to feel twelve inches of silicone shoved up their holes all the time.

Some people like big dildos, some people like small ones, and some prefer something just "average sized". And also, just because a person enjoys a big dildo, doesn't mean that they aren't also satisfied with their lover's more "standard" sized cock - after all, they are two entirely different experiences!

There's one thing that we do know for sure, however - no matter what size of dildo you or your partner happen to prefer, we've got it right here and ready for you!

Our catalog is absolutely loaded with everything from tiny "mini-bullets" to 12-inch or longer "monster dongs". So whatever sort of dildo you might be craving today, just follow this link and get shopping - because it's just a click away and waiting for you!

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